THE UNABRIDGED HISTORY OF GSP

A Collection of Short and Tall Stories

``The River People''

nd it came to pass that the skys opened and the rain fell. And the River swelled. And came forth scores of River People to ride the river on rafts made of rubber. The boldest of the river people returned, time after time, without regard for staying dry. And these times forged a new breed of people, who would become knownst as The GSP. The GSP came in tents and camped by the Mountain Lake. And when The GSP returned to raft, year after year, the Local People came to expect the return of The GSP. The GSP came to give offering to The God of the River, and to offer sacrifice in a ceremony that became knownst as The Holy Ducky Quest. The arrival of The GSP had such a profound effect upon The River that the river was transformed and became knownst as The New River.

``The Eternal Thirst''

o quench the Eternal Thirst of The GSP, beverages were carted by the trunk-load. Ales, Lagers, Stouts, Pilsners, Budweiser brought forth by The Higgins, and a much more potent Fire Water of the Wild Feathered Bird. And it became tradition for each GSP to bring some interesting elixir produced near his home locality. And communal icing-down facilities and ice were provided, paid for by the Slush Fund, named for the typical condition of the ice. To keep the Drinks cool, many bags of ice were toted and spilled into stripped-down trunks of Rental Cars, picked by punch for drainage of melting ice. The shortage of new Rental Car Agencies and the increasing amount of Drink and Ice forced The GSP to make new vessels of plastic and of cork for containing ice and Drink. And this age of Drink and Beer led to the invention of the Cooler. And The Cooler allowed The GSP to carry more Beer, and tho The GSP did not use radio, or TV, still The GSP became loud and unruly. Then Stacy of the Mountain Lake cast out The GSP, and after some wandering, The GSP settled in an area down by The Ray.

``The Dining Fly''

he GSP were able to tolerate many drenchings and dowsings in The Drink of The New River, but were not amused by the Water of The Sky. After many years of migrating to The River, devices were constructed in the grass pasture by the Ray to shed the rain and provide shelter. And the hydrology and water shed of the Pasture by the Ray was changed by the devices, often causing a River In The Pasture By The Ray. And in this area, The RSK came to set his tent. This was the age of The Dining Fly.

``Conception''

espite the repeated efforts of the Not-Ready-For-Conception Players, demonstrating proper use of such items as the Holy Diaphram Can Lid and the Squirt Gun Shield, the GSP began to proliferate, their offspring became knownst as The GSPiglet, and the environment down by The Ray began to change. Fueled by the need to move many conveniences down by The Ray, Mr. Camper invented The Wheel and used it to move the conveniences in a large gaudy device that He dubbed A Camper. Whilst many GSP found The Camper to be a useful device, notably the Bucherl Clan, many other GSP scorned the use of The Camper, calling it unpure and unworthy. The GSPiglet could not navigate the river, as MRT had a minimum age requirement of 14 years, so Day Care was invented and the parents of the GSPiglets could still participate - a concept that later caught on by parents wishing to work in cities. And tho Dren of the Campground by the Ray was in charge of Day Care for many years, She decided to pass the duty on to her friends.

``Fire From The Sky''

ne stormy evening, when The GSP were gathered under the protection of The Dining Fly, a ball of fire fell from the sky and began to burn small pieces of wood in The Great Fire Ring. And the GSP became obsessed with The Fire, and The Schwab gathered the coal of the burning pieces of wood in a cardboard box and attempted to carry The Fire to a more convenient location, and the success of the attempt was held in dispute. But The Schwab would not give in to The Fire, and The Fire was harnessed. And to contain The Fire, a Great Rambo Grill arose from the garage of Wegeng. Wegeng carried The Great Rambo Grill to the Campground Down by the Ray for many years, until he was forced to ask for a volunteer to carry The Great Rambo Grill into the year 1997 and beyond. Whilst the fire of The Great Fire Ring went unused for many years, except for the Melting of the Great Beer Vessel, the Great Fire became the sacred place of The Ceremony of the RV, The Sacrifice of the Sandals Spent, The Lesson of the DRED, and The Filling of the Budgie Pie, though many of these gatherings went unnoticed by The Weenie GSP That Bedded Down Too Early. This was the time of The Treece Clan.

``The List''

nd after many years of coming less than fully prepared for the trip, The Trip Leader produced a List of Essential Items and sent it out to The GSP before The Trip of July Sixth, 1996. And year after year, The Trip Leader copied The List from The Letter of the Past Year. And The List was thus handed down, year after year. And tho the list was made available to The GSP, many a GSP found himself without the essential items of sustenance at the Campground by the Ray. So a bottle opener was provided, and the GSP known as RSK came to brew coffee each morning when the light of the Sun cooked him from his tent.

``The GSP Finds Other Things To Do''

nd The GSP found that there were other things to do near the Campground, such as hiking, rock-hopping, horseback riding, bike riding, swimming, shoping, sight-seeing, and BAG, the Beerbottle-Anihilation Game. And of course, some arrived at the campsite and didn't feel like doing much, so they sat around on logs, drinking beer. And when the logs began feeling hard and cold, The GSP invented the Lawn Chair to sit in.

``The Communal Dinner''

nce again, bring a dish to share if you wish to participate in the potluck dinner, which will probably be the evening of July 5. You bring your thing, everyone else brings something, and before you know it, there's a feast.

The Stuff You Should Bring

e sure to drop me a note if you have a raft trip assignment request (if there's someone you would like to raft with).

``The Homebrew Tasting Party''

ea, as The GSP brought vessels loaded with Beer, toted in Coolers, using wheels invented by Mr. Camper, they began to experiment with Brews Concocted at Home. And these Home Brews were sought by all GSPs, even many who could not Concoct Brews at Home. And while experimenting with new ways to carbonate beer by the campfire, the GSP knownst as DRED invented the potato gun, and it was used to propel cheese puffs into the sky. And when a variety of Brews Concocted at Home were carried to the Great Fire Ring, The GSP began to quaff Brew from each others' vessels, and The GSP gathered around for the first Homebrew Tasting Party, toting, quaffing, wheeling, and gathering, and blasting cheese puffs into the sky, a homebrew-tasting event that continued on, year after year, as each GSP brought his own Beer to be quaffed by others.

``The Map''

any GSP became lost along the way or became entangled in the Eternal Speed Trap of Ansted, so The Map was invented by The GSP, and it was reproduced again and again, until it was not clear when or by whom the map was invented. And yea, as The GSP had seen the same map over and over again, a new map was created and it was cast out to The GSP so that they would know their way to the Campground by the Ray.

And it was discovered that most travelers coming from the East or from the West could travel on what is now Interstate 64 to Highway 60, continuing to the intersection of Highway 19 with Highway 60, to the Campground by the Ray. And the travelers beat such a path through the wilderness that the State of West Virginia decided to build roads and name them Highway 60 and Highway 19 so that travelers could easily find their way to the Campground. And the Place was located at Mountain River Campground, in Hico, WV, near the southeast corner of the intersection of 60 and 19. And travelers who could not read maps knew that they could contact the Master of the Raft Trip for personalized travel instructions. As the travelers gained a greater understanding for the magnitude of the travel, they free-loaded in each others' vehicles and the Car Pool Lane was invented. And to coordinate the Car Pool, travelers contacted each other on the Attendance List and contacted the Master of the Raft Trip to locate other travelers to add to the Convoy and Car Pool. History recorded this as the Age of the Channel 16, 8, 4 on the CB Dial.

``The Recipe Book''

he Great Salad Project (GSP) began as a collection of salad recipes, but soon The GSP grew weary of eating so much salad, and The GSP sought recipes for food other than salad. The Recipe Keeper of The GSP collected the GSP recipes and added to them the new recipes, and the Recipe Book Project was Bourne. And legend has it that when The Record Keeper has collected enough recipes, a Great Recipe Book will be created. Many of the recipes of The Recipe Book Project have already been used to publish the Great Bitty Cracker Cook Book. And The Record Keeper has requested that all GSP contribute favorite recipes to The Project.

``The Invention of the Video''

he GSP made many successful exits from the rafts into The Drink, and artists sat by the river to record the events on canvas. But yea, the canvas was a slow medium, and the artists forgot many details, so to record the details, the polaroid camera was invented, and it was used over an over, and the pictures were sold to The GSP after the trip. After many years of pictures, certain GSP had no more space on the wall to hang pictures, and The GSP invented the Video Camera, but the Video was in Beta Format, and did not catch on. However, others capitalized on The Video Camera and videotaped The GSP as they went down the river, and The GSP often wore costumes for display on the Video, including The Green Giant, The Dinosaur Head, The Cone Head, and the Lip Pants. The Video was made of the daily raft trip, and these video tapes were made available to The GSP at a cost of $25 to $30 per video tape, depending upon how many tapes were purchased.

``The Full Moon''

he GSP stayed up late at night around the campfire to share stories and make each other laugh. And when the moon was bright, it was easy to see by the fire so as not to trip and fall. But when the moon was not bright, the GSP would raise their shirts, exposing white, untanned sections of their bellys. And when the light of The Great Fire reflected from the bellys, The GSP could see to safely move about. But many GSP began going to tanning booths, and the bellys were no longer white, so The GSP was forced to find another untanned section of the anatomy. And when a GSP wishes to move about, late at night, he shouts out: ``Stand Up. Turn Around. Bend Over. Thank You! Next!'' And The Moon was thus invented, and it was used by juveniles everywhere.

nd as the trip of 1996 unfolded, a schedule was produced. And this schedule gave travelers a rough idea of when the major events of the trip were to take place.

``The Grand Schedule''

ho the most important thing is that you get to Mountain River Campground before July 6, as the raft trip is on that day, you may wish to arrive much earlier to witness and participate in some of the other fun events.

The Grand Schedule

The Phone Numbers

nd Rick Boebinger paused to write down his ideas about the GSPiglet trip...

Yes, the piglets will be hitting the river again this year. The veterans (Jonathan & Patrick Boebinger with Rick and Andrew, Brendon & Maureen Mizener with Jeff & Ellen) will be joined by ... what word did we choose as a synonym for virgin ... (Dana Boebinger with Greg and Elizabeth Andrews with Tony).

If you too are interested in joining us the trip will be an express trip on Friday, July 5th. The cost is $24 per child and $53 per adult and needs to be paid to Rick Boebinger this month. If a child is going to participate they need at least one of their parents; however, a parent can accompany more than one child. Like last year, MRT will allow children who are 6 by July 5th to raft. Send money directly to Rick Boebinger at 312 Columbia Club Drive, Blythewood, South Carolina 29016. If you have questions, contact Rick at boebinger.vnet.ibm.com, 803-748-5341 (work), 803-754-6471 (home).

If the river is high and the piglets and piglet parents want to do a longer trip, we can do so for $5 per person additional.

At one time there was a suggestion to merge the ducky trip with the piglet trip. If this is still a suggestion, remember this trip was created as and reserved as a piglet trip so ... Piglets Rule!

``The Ducky Trip''

he GSP found that many rapids could be navigated in the tube of truck tires, and tho this event caught on and was enjoyed by all, The GSP craved more maneuverable craft, and so the Ducky was invented. And certain GSP used canoes and kayaks made of fiberglass rather than Duckys, which were made of rubber. And Rich Kulawiec organized the trip, year after year. And this year, Rich did not get very much response from The GSP, so the Ducky Trip, as of the time of this writing, had not yet been definitely scheduled. And if you are interested in the Ducky Trip, please contact me or Rich.

``The Price Hike''

n the early GSP days, when The River was largely untamed, GSP travelers were able to raft for free. Then others began to see what The GSP were doing, and they all flocked to West Virginia in large numbers.

And they usually flocked to West Virginia on the weekends, since they could not leave work during the week. Currency was invented as a means to control the number of people coming to West Virginia on the weekends. Rafters were charged money to raft. And this charge was made higher on weekends, especially Saturday, to cause many people to stay home. As more and more people grew accustomed to the higher charge, it had to be raised occasionally to remain effective at keeping too many people from flocking to West Virginia. And Inflation was created.

The cost of this year's trip is $100.00, if you are rafting, and $18.50, if you are not rafting. The main reason it's more than last year is that we are rafting on Saturday.

The Attendance List

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