Dear Potential Investor, February 27, 1997
This word-rich and content-poor PROSPECTUS is sent to inform you of a unique and sure to be memorable investment opportunity which is being offered to YOU, as a member of a select (well-at least 'limited') group of people known as the GSP's.
Yes, the GSP's are incorporating....and we here .......NEW MOON ENTERPRISES, INC....with our proud corporate motto......"If we go under, we won't go belly-up."
On July 4, 1997, we are launching a new corporate body part...one whose name focuses on all that is good with the GSP raft trip... NEW stands for THE RIVER and MOON stands for-um-I have this frightening image of Bronson's smile. (ENTERPRISE, of course, stands for the famous World War II aircraft carrier, which was often heavily damaged, but never went belly-up...)
We assure you, potential investor, that our new corporation will be interactive, user-friendly, and fully buzz-word compliant! BUT FIRST!...we need money. And that is where you come in. It's MARCH and it's time to start thinking about reserving a spot on THE 17th ANNUAL GSP RAFT TRIP down the mighty NEW RIVER in scenic WEST VIRGINIA! So put on those vertical smiles (...why do they ALWAYS do that???), gird those loins in spandex, and head for THE WATER ! !! ! !
For those who have not sipped of the Wild Turkey, the New River is one of the best whitewater rivers in the country and one of the oldest rivers in the whole wide world. Since around 1357, it has been designated as a National River to preserve its scenic beauty and historic-um-content. The New River GORGE is this deep canyon-type thing that follows alongside the river. The New River Gorge BRIDGE sits astride the mighty New River and is the second highest and first longest bridge arch thing car high arch bridge thing -- or something -- I'm usually not paying attention during that part of the presentation.
And once you get there, you will see why! OOH AAH OOH AAH OOH AAH OOH AAH OOH AAH
THE LOWER NEW RIVER TRIP ... The main event is the one-day raft trip through the best section of this great river....prosaically dubbed the "Lower New River".... mostly within 6-man self-bailing rafts. This is an experience limited to those age 12 and older (that's 84 in dog years). We will be rafting the Lower New River on Sunday, July 6...to avoid the Saturday crowds and surcharges. Besides, with all those people peeing in the river on Saturday, the water is sure to be up on Sunday! (Thanks, Rick, for that lovely thought... guess THAT'S why you always smile through Swimmers Rapid.) Day care for offspring is usually easy to find for the day of the trip. Those interested should let me know.
This year, we've decided to go with Mountain River Tours (a.k.a. "MRT"), (...why do they ALWAYS do that???), who will provide our equipment and "guides". And this year, because of the increasing cost of water,the per adult cost of the 17th Annual GSP Raft Trip will be $104. Youth age 12-17 are a rather amazingly scant $44. The total can be broken into two parts...the sum of which is not greater than the whole. First, there's MRT's portion for the raft trip using 6-man rafts ($84 for adults, $24 for youth)...which includes Sunday night's hamburger/hotdog dinner at MRT and our very own unstable (emotionally AND physically), MRT-provided videographer. Second, there's a contribution to the Slush Fund ($20), which covers the cost of the COOL GIFT, ICE and FIREWOOD at the campground, INCIDENTALS, and A LITTLE SOMETHING for the personal enrichment of your corporate officers (hey, it's the nineties!). All adult attendees, rafting or not, are asked to contribute to the Slush Fund. (Non-rafting kid attendees are asked for a token $2 for a kids' cool gift at the campfire.) Half of the amount is due by MARCH 17 as a deposit to MRT to reserve one's spot on the trip. The balance is due in May. (We will be sending a second -- perhaps also witty -- letter to remind you). Of course, you are welcome to pay the whole amount now if you wish, but we warn you, we'll still send you the second letter.
THE DUCKY/PIGLET TRIP ... For those kayak-ists and canoo-er-people (hey, I didn't get this job because of my qualifications...it was strictly seniority...seniority and the fact that I slept with RSK...but, then again, who on this trip HASN'T) ...those GSP's interested in tempting fate in hard boats, as well as those seeking an inflatable kayak experience, in addition to those in search of a quieter river trip with one's own offspring, "piglets" as it were, (PIGLET-"pig-let"-from the French "piglette" -- noun -- one too young to know the difference between toys and lawn ornaments)...all those people will be glad to learn that the Ducky/Piglet trip will take place on that stretch of river contrapuntally designated the "Upper New River", so as to distinguish it from the Lower New River without drawing so much of a distinction so as to cause one to believe that they are parts of two completely separate rivers. The ducky/piglet trip on the Upper New River is scheduled for Friday, July 4 and is open to anyone age 7 or older with a photo ID (6 year olds with a serious go-for-it attitude are welcome as well). Those interested in the ducky/piglet trip should contact Rick Boebinger, my ever-organized older sibling..... taller than me, though I suspect that I carry more weight... not that I'm carrying any pent-up hidden inter-sibling rivalry baggage from my puberty years... ("Puberty Years"...wasn't that a Bruce Springsteen hit in the eighties?)Rick's telephone number is 803-754-6471. For those interested, the ducky trip looks like it will cost $30 for kids ages 6+ to 17 and $60 for grown-ups (remember back when we were called "adults"?) CAMPING... Camping will cost $5 per person per night (Sun-Thu) and $5.50 per person per night on (Fri-Sat) nights....giving you a small square of what passes for grass upon which to set up your tent, trailer, and/or lawn ornaments... as well as a common area for campfires and gay conviviality. Camping is paid directly to the campground upon arrival. If you suspect that you are a camping weenie and would rather stay in a nice cozy hotel room, please contact me.
Once again,please respond by MARCH 17 and a Founding, Foundering, Floundering, Fondling Share in .....NEW MOON ENTERPRISES..... will be all your very own. If you need extra time to cough up such a large stack of bills, please contact me immediately, because I can probably work something out. There are a limited number of rafting spaces available and MRT needs a 50% deposit to save our spots. The deposit is refundable only if we can find someone else to fill your spot. Of course, MRT has been flexible in the past, but there are no guarantees. If you decide not to raft, but plan to attend the GSP Raft Trip (rafting ain't the only thing that goes on..... just ask the Brunners), please send in your Slush Fund contribution to help me cover expenses. If you can pay the full amount now, go for it !
And remember... hiking, swimming, watching the visitor's center video, child conception, and standing under the tarp in the rain are all still FREE ! If you have any interest in or concerns about any of these possibilities, please contact me.
Find out more about the GSP trip and the inspiration for our logo at:http://worldserver.com/gsp.
Oh, and did I mention that there will be beer?
****** DETACH HERE AND SEND COMPLETED FORM TO NEW MOON ENTERPRISES ******
Number of ADULTS rafting the LOWER NEW:____ @ $104 each =
NAMES:
Number of YOUTH (12-17) rafting the LOWER NEW:____ @ $44 each =
NAMES:
Number of Adults NOT rafting:____ @ $20 each =
NAMES:
Number of KIDS wanting an inexpensive cool gift:____ @ $2 each =
NAMES:
TOTAL AMOUNT OF MONEY I HAVE ENCLOSED (at least half of my total): =
Other private information about myself which I wish to reveal....
____ (number of) kids for which Sunday daycare might be needed.
____ (number of) adults likely to be interested in Friday's Ducky/Piglet trip.
____ (number of) kids likely to be interested in Friday's Ducky/Piglet trip.
____ I am quite likely to buy a video of the raft trip if the price is $15. (How 'bout $10 ___ ).
____ I suspect I may be a camping weenie and, therefore, may be interested in hotel information.
____ I may be interested in hiking, swimming, child conception and standing under tarps in the rain.
(please indicate preferences)
Comments, suggestions:
Sketches, doodles:
Please make checks out to Greg Boebinger and mail them to:New Moon Enterprises
G.K. Boebinger, C.E.O.
169 Harrison Avenue
Westfield, NJ 07090
Other ways to contact us with valuable comments, suggestions, sketches and doodles:
HOME VOICE 908-233-5644 WORK VOICE 908-582-7573 HOME FAX 908-789-9538 WORK E-MAIL bo@bell-labs.com HOME INSEAM 37 inches WORK PACE slow