GSP PieStephen Higgins and I cooked up this
little ditty last summer and intend to get some folks to sing it
this year at the trip. You've asked before for text of songs for the
web page, so here it is. -
Dan Bruner
GSP Pie
A long long time ago,
I can still remember how
Those doughnuts and Pepsi used to make me smile.
And I knew I might find some thrills
In West Virginia's pretty hills
And maybe I'd get silly for awhile.
But February made me shiver.
I dreamed about a rafting river.
Eight months since I'd been there.
I longed to show my skin there.
I can't remember if I cried
When I opened up my mailbox wide,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the letter arrived.
I started singing
HIGH SIDE, KISS YOUR PADDLE GOODBYE.
TRIED TO LAY IT DOWN IN GREYHOUND
BUT I COULDN'T STAY DRY.
THEM G-S-P'S WAS DRINKIN' HOMEBREW AND RYE,
SINGIN'
THIS'LL BE A GOOD DAY TO DIE,
THIS'LL BE A GOOD DAY TO DIE!
Will you surf at every hole,
And will you pay the River Gods their toll,
if your "mrt" guide tells you so?
Do you believe you can make the raft roll?
Can the throw bag save your mortal soul
GRAB THE ROPE, NOT THE BAG!
And, can you teach me how to breathe real slow?
Well, I know that you're in love with Rich
Cause I say his kayak in the ditch.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Now we know you're a GSP too!
I was a lonely virgin in a double duck
With no helmet or paddle, left 'em on the truck.
And I knew I was out of luck
The day the virgins died.
I kept on singing
Now for seventeen years we've been coming here,
From all directions with all kinds of beer.
And that's how it used to be.
When the Osborns sang for the King and Eileen
With a doll they borrowed from Ken's canteen
And a voice that came from you and me.
Oh and while the King was bending down
The stork bird stole his flashing crown
The campground was adjourned.
No bottles were returned.
And while the Mizeners baked a cake,
The rest of us went to the lake
And we sang, or at least we faked,
The day the virgins died.
We were singing
Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
Ray has built another stuffy shelter.
The septic level is rising fast.
The Frisbees fly across the grass,
Inebriated campers fall on their ass,
With Kris on the sidelines in a cast.
Now the night-time air was sweet perfume
With the wood smoke breeze at the end of June
We all got up to moon
Like we WILL at the end of this tune!
The Not-Ready Players tried to take the field
But the spermatozoa just refused to yield
And G-S-Piglets were revealed
The day the virgins died.
We started singing
"No shit, there we were" (all in one place)
Drinking beer after beer, we drank it by the case,
With no time left to fart again.
So come on Jeff be nimble, Jeff be quick,
Get out the Jiffy Pop on a ten foot stick,
'Cause fire is the budgie pie man's friend.
Oh, and as I watched him on the stage,
The poster child turned another page.
No heckler born in hell
Could break that Doctor's spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night,
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw River Gods laughing with delight
The day the virgins died.
They were singing
I met a man with five canoes
And I asked him for some hoppy brews,
But he just smiled in a vertical way.
I went down to the Foodland store
Where I heard they had stuff for s'mores
But the man there said no Hershey bars today.
And in Surprise the virgins screamed
The paddlers cried, and the birthday boys schemed.
But not a word was spoken,
The paddles all were broken.
In the rapids I admire most,
Double Z and Bloody Nose
I dropped my shorts and struck the pose,
The day the virgins died.
And we were singing
What do you do with a Drunken Raft Guide?
What do you do with a Drunken Raft Guide?
What do you do with a Drunken Raft Guide?
What do you do with a Drunken Raft Guide?
What do you do with a Drunken Raft Guide?
Ear-ly in the morning.
Put him in the shower
with the water running. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
Send him through Keeney's
without a paddle. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
Tie him to a table
with a roll of duct tape. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
Paint his body with
permanent marker. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
Put him in a tent
with R.S.K. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
Paint his toenails
with Star Frost Violet. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
Give him a Sheaf Stout
and tell him it's coffee. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
Feed him Budgee Pies
until he vomits. < repeat 3 times >
Ear-ly in the morning.
That's what we do with
a Drunken Raft Guide. < repeat 3 times>
Ear-ly in the morning.
Green Waves and Lance
And the raft assignments were made. Our
raft, named "Filling Kim's Slot" looked to be exciting. Maria, Herb,
Scott, Kim, and myself. So Maria said to me, "Let's get Lance
tomorrow." She was shocked when I said, I've never had Lance. She
quickly pointed out that I had indeed rolled with him, but I noted
that I'd never been all the way [over]. Needless to say, I was
reluctant, but Maria urged me to try this once. I was intrigued when
Lance said to me, "You haven't done it, until you've been with me."
And so we went down the river. And I must admit it was spectacular.
Lance put us into positions I've never been in before. This
experience has reminded me of a childhood story, I hope you
recognize it.....
Green Waves and Lance
By Dr. Sue S.
Pants on Lance
Lance in Pants
That Lance-in-Pants, That Lance-in-Pants
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
Would you like Green Waves and Lance?
I would not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
Would you like him here or there?
Would you like him in underwear?
I would not like him here or there,
I would not like him in underwear.
I do not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
Would you like him in a boat?
Would you like him a-la-float?
I would not like him in a boat,
I would not like him a-la float.
I would not like him here or there,
I would not like him in underwear..
I do not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
Would you like him in a tent?
If you would he's cheap to rent.
I would not like him in a tent,
even if he's cheap to rent.
I would not like him in a boat,
I would not like him a-la float.
I would not like him here or there,
I would not like him in underwear..
I do not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
Would you like him with tatoos?
Would you like him with a Gueze?
Not with tatooes, not with a Gueze.
Not in a boat, not a-la-float.
I would not like him in a tent,
even if he's cheap to rent.
I would not like him here or there,
I would not like him in underwear.
I do not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
Would you like him in a hole?
Do rememeber the hole's the goal.
I would not like him in a hole,
even when the hole's the goal.
I would not like him with tatoos.
I would not like him with a Gueze.
I would not like him in a tent,
even if he's cheap to rent.
I would not like him in a boat.
I would not like him a-la-float.
I would not like him here or there,
I would not like him in underwear.
I do not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
Would you like him in Kim's slot?
Herb was hot, so was Scott.
I would not like him in Kim's slot,
Not with Herb and not with Scott.
I would not like him in a hole,
even when the hole's the goal.
I would not like him with tatoos.
I would not like him with a Gueze.
I would not like him in a boat.
I would not like him a-la-float.
I would not like him in a tent,
even if he's cheap to rent.
I would not like him here or there,
I would not like him in underwear.
I do not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
A raft Araft A raft A raft....
Would you could you in a raft?
I would not like him in a raft,
I would not like him fore or aft.
I would not like him in Kim's slot,
Not with Herb and not with Scott.
I would not like him in a hole,
even when the hole's the goal.
I would not like him with tatoos.
I would not like him with a Gueze.
I would not like him in a tent,
even if he's cheap to rent.
I would not like him in a boat.
I would not like him a-la-float.
I would not like him here or there,
I would not like him in underwear.
I do not like Green Waves and Lance,
I do not like that Lance-in-Pants.
So Maria says...
Try him, try him and you may,
Try him and you may I say.
Maria, if you will let me be,
I will try him you will see.
Say....
I do like Green Waves and Lance
I would like that Lance to Dance.
And I would like him in a raft,
And I would like him fore and aft.
I would like him in Kim's slot,
I'd like him with Herb, I'd like him with Scott.
And I would like him in a hole,
Especially when the hole's the goal.
I would like him with tatoos,
And I would like him with a Gueze.
I would like him in a tent,
even if he's cheap to rent.
And I would like him in a boat,
and I would like him a-la-float.
I would like him in underwear,
Say I would like him anywhere!
I do so like Green Waves and Lance,
but I still don't like my Lance-in-Pants!
Scream, Scream, Scream
This song was performed at the 1997 raft trip
Saturday night campfire by Deb Herman, Bob Safranek, Roberta Wegeng,
and Don Wegeng
Scream, Scream, Scream
Lyrics by David and Jenny Heitler-Klevans
Sung to the tune of "Dream, Dream, Dream"
Copied from Sing Out! Magazine
When I want you in the night
And I need you to hold me tight,
Whenever I want you
All I have to do is scream.
Scream, scream, scream (etc.)
When I want to be in your arms
I know how to sound the alarm,
Whenever I want you
All I have to do is scream...
Bridge:
I can scream and whine
For your milk so fine
Anytime, night or day.
And it seems to me - golly gee! -
I know how to get my way
I need you so and that is why
To let you know I start to cry.
Whenever I want you
All I have to do is scream...
Bridge:
I have quite a range
When I need a change
Anytime, night or day,
Only trouble is - gee whiz! -
You're not aways here right away.
(Repeat first verse)
