PARADISE BY THE JULY MOONLIGHT
(aka River Goddess song, after Paradise by the Dashboard Lights)
Darrel Bourne, Deb Smith, Sherri Keller, Deb Herman

RAFTER:
I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday, We hit that rapid with no enough speed to get us through,
The next thing I saw was the bottom of the raft over my head, But I remembered what the raft guides told us to do,

Grab the rope and you won't die, Grab the bag, kiss your ass good-bye,

ALL:
When we rolled that raft in the middle of Surprise, when we rolled that raft in the middle of Surprise,

RAFTER:
Pointed my feet downstream, And I started to scream!!!

ALL:
Yes it's cold and lonely floating in the New, When the other GSPs are laughing at you!

GODDESS 1:
Ain't no doubt about it, You were doubly screwed, Because you lost your glasses and let go of your paddle too!

ALL:
Ain't no doubt about it, Baby got to go and shout it, you were doubly screwed,

RAFTER:
Because I lost my glasses and let go of my paddle too! I ended up under the raft guided only by the writing in Braille,
 It said keep moving right, you are bound to find air soon, And I was hoping that my PFD wouldn't fail,
By my hopes sagged when I got maytagged, and I was certain that I wouldn't make it back next June!

Grab the rope the raft guide said, But the bastard beaned me with it in the head!

ALL:
When we rolled that raft in the middle of Surprise, When we rolled that raft in the middle of Surprise,

RAFTER:
Feet pointed downstream, And I continued to scream!!!

ALL:
Yes it's cold and lonely floating in the New, When the other GSPs are laughing at you! Yes it's cold and lonely floating in the New,
GSPs are laughing at you!

ALL:
Ain't no sense in fighting, Let the river do what it will do, Ain't no doubt about it, You were doubly screwed,

RAFTER:
Because I lost my glasses and let go of my padde...

GODDESSES:
Gotta call on the River Gods, Gotta call on the River Gods tonight, Gotta call on the River Gods, Gotta call on the River Gods tonight,
Gotta call on the River Gods, Gotta call on the River Gods tonight, Gotta call on the River Gods, Gotta call on the River Gods tonight,

SPORTSCASTER:
Looks like we have a real pressure cooker here today... First rapid and a raft has already flipped...
Everyone is back in the boat except one... They are reaching the paddles out to him..
OHHH! But at the last second they pull them away!!... He's heading for some nasty rocks...
He's in some trouble now... He's dead... No! Wait! I see him gasping for air!...
He seems to have lost his helmet... Here comes the throw bag... OHHH! Right on the bean!... That's gotta hurt!...
He's getting pretty far downstream... He's heading for a strainer...Holy Cow, I think he is going to die...

GODDESSES:
Stop right there! I gotta know right now!

GODDESS 1:
Before you go any further, I can save you, I can save you right now, I can help you, I can save you from drowning
Will you sacrifice virgins, Wild Turkey, and beer?, Will you faithfully worship me every year?!?
I can save you, I can save you, you see, Guide you through Miller's Folly, And Double Z,
Will you burn easy chairs doused with beer?, Will you burn a pair of Nikes in my name every year?!?
I gotta know right now, Before you go any further, Will you do this? And I will save you from drowning,

RAFTER:
Let me sleep on it, Baby, Baby, Let me sleep on it, Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning,
Let me sleep on it, Baby, Baby, this sounds like commitment, Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning,
Let me sleep on it, Baby, Baby, Let me sleep on it, Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning,

GODDESSES:
I gotta know right now!

GODDESS 2:
I can save you, I can save you right now, I can help you, I can save you from drowning
Will you sacrifice virgins, Wild Turkey, and beer?, Will you faithfully worship me every year?!?
I gotta know right now, Before you go any further, Will you do this? And I will save you from drowning,

GODDESS 3:
C'mon boy, what's it gonna be. I can wait here all night. You ain't got much time.
What's it gonna be boy, yes or no? What's it gonna be boy, YES OR NO?

RAFTER:
Let me sleep on it, Baby, Baby, Let me sleep on it, Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning,

GODDESSES:
I gotta know right now! I gotta know right now!

GODDESS 2 with RAFTER below:
I can save you, I can save you right now, I can help you, I can save you from drowning
Will you sacrifice virgins, Wild Turkey, and beer?, Will you faithfully worship me every year?!?

RAFTER with GODDESS 2 Above:
Let me sleep on it, Baby, Baby, Let me sleep on it, Let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning,
In the morning Girl I'll tell you in the morning

GODDESS 2:
I gotta know right now, Before you go any further Will you do this, And I will save you from drowning,

RAFTER:
Let me sleep on it,

GODDESSES:
Will you worship forever?

RAFTER:
Let me sleep on it,

GODDESSES:
Will you worship forever?

RAFTER:
I couldn't take it any longer, God, I went crazy, When Lower Keeney hit me like a tidal wave,
I started swearing to the Gods and on RSK's Grave, (You mean he's not dead yet?!?)
That I would worship 'til the end of time, I swore that I would worship 'til the end of time,

ALL:
So now I'm praying to the River Gods, Every day of my life, Cause if I hadn't made those sacrifices to you,
I don't think that I would ever survive, I'll never break my promise or forget my vows,

GODDESSES:
Cause God knows you'd be DEAD RIGHT NOW!!, Praying to the River Gods, It's all that I can do (ooh, ooh)
Praying to the River Gods, Each time I raft the River New

RAFTER with GODDESSES:
It was long ago and it was far away, And I can still smell those burning shoes today,

GODDESSES with RAFTER:
It never felt so good, It never felt so right, When we rolled that raft in the middle of Surprise.

---

The EPIC - 1999 Darrel Bourne

Sue sat down to a hideous sight,
Boebinger on the left, a Treece on the right,
She exclaimed "You must be pulling my leg,
I'm sitting between 500 pounds of Greg!"

(One new 'tradition' that appears to have been born is the sharing of chocolate and Port wine...
this verse was borne of the conversation material that occurred during one session I just happened to be attending)

Alcohol and sugar are a good thing to fix,
But something more was added to the mix,
One's life is not complete if he misses,
Chocolate, Port, and stories about penises!

(ok... you try to rhyme 'penises')

(A tribute to Carl Treece's 38" Mobile Home he brought to camp this year)

A wine cellar, pool table and VCR,
A big screen TV and a fully stocked bar,
Paintings of DaVinci hanging from the wall,
All can be found in Carl's mobile Taj Mahal!

(A new piece of camping gear made its debut on this trip...
this verse is a tribute the interesting pattern that was viewed from underneath as rain water collected and distributed itself...
 thanks to Bob Safranek for sharing)

The Hyperfly made its debut,
And in the rain treated us to an extraordinary view,
While everyone looked for the proper term,
Joan said it looks like a giant flock of sperm,

(Sherry Keller finally proved that she was not embarrassed to be seen with her husband in public!)

Sherry tried to bring a rumor to an end,
By bringing to camp mythical Ben,
Now you can call me a skepticist,
I still don't believe he exists!

(As will be explained in the next two verses, a new 'sporting event' has come to light...
the ability to take one's underwear off without removing outer clothing...
once thought only the domain of women and brassieres, it was proven that men too can participate...
Dr. Ed took this beyond sport and turned it into a work of art with the help of some background music by Mozart.)

Dr. Ed has done something rare,
He performed a feat without his butt getting bare,
But one thing he has brought to an end,
I will never be able to listen to Mozart again!

But Dred isn't the only one to master this feat,
At Jeff and Rhonda's wedding we all got a treat,
At the Knickerbocker, if you visit there,
Look up, you may see Paul and Sherry's underwear!

(This next verse is self-explanatory... to a point)

I've seen many things that fill me with fright,
But nothing compares to what I saw last night,
I have no idea what would inspire,
Ken Long and Steve Higgens to kiss by the fire!

(On the 1998 trip, Jeff Treece broke his ankle rock-hopping in Babcock...
During the Portland Beer festival, Dr. Ed attended, and, as Jeff was less than mobile,
proceeded to bring Jeff all the beers that he wanted at this festival...
as we all know, paybacks are hell, and the roles were reversed for this trip)

My bottle is empty, and I'm in a mess,
I cannot get up and go to the beer chest,
I am sure everyone else is thirsty here,
Hey! Jeff Treece! We all need fresh beers!

(Stacy Bucherl is pregnant again!!!)

Four of a kind, Four on the floor,
Foreplay, Forecasts, For a few dollars more,
The Four horsemen of the apocalypse,
The Bucherls fourth nestled in Stacy's hips!

(On the road again... )

For the last three years our trip has begun,
In South Carolina, from the town of Clemson,
It's a nice place and we like it here,
But the government found us and we're moving this year!

(The water level of this year was low, creating a lot of time to play in the flatwater...
while the rapids were more technical, the lumbering rafts made short work of these obstacles,
creating a relaxing, albeit not exceptionally exciting tripũt also is not conducive to recording acts of bravery... or stupidity)

A couple of pyramids, big hairy deal,
A couple of flipped rafts, come on, get real,
I am running out of material here,
You goofballs had better do better next year!

(During a fabulous parody of 'Like a Rolling Stone,'
someone finally got some level of revenge on me by commenting that my song MAY run a tad bit too long...
below is my official response to that accusation... my unofficial response is 'Is that the best you can come up with'...
there, that ought to get some people thinking!!)

Thus brings a close to another song,
For which I have been told has gone way too long,
But if at the end I don't hear you cheer,
I will make sure that I do 30 verses next year!!

So please won't you bring me just one more beer,
Then bring me another for the friends who aren't here,
As we gather 'round on a warm July night,
After19 years the fire's still burning bright!!